Saturday, January 23, 2016

There's An App For That!


Do you hate your life?
Have you no sense of self?
Do you despise other people?
Are you becoming a sociopath?
There's an App For That!

Do you suffer constant anxiety?
Do you whither in the throes of depression?
Prescription pills bring no thrills just more bills?
There's an App For That!

Have you no real friends apart from your screen?
Have you no partner except for the profiles you sext?
Are you a wanker or otherwise extremely frustrated?
There's an App For That!

Have you gotten bored of liking life?
Are the only things you like on Faceless Book?
Do you check everything away in a box?
There's an App For That!

Are you awfully lonely or isolated?
Would you gladly trade in your privacy?
Would you like someone watching you all the time?
There's an App For That!

Do you forget your countless passwords?
Do you forget how to spell simple words?
Have you lost all your elementary education?
There's an App For That!

Have you forgotten about the Amazon River?
Do you think that all Gates were invented by Bill?
Are you sad about all the Jobs lost by Steve?
There's an App For That!

Are you unemployed or underemployed?
Have you seen your wages stagnate?
Do you have a nasty and ruthless boss?
There's an App For That!

Are you broke or just scrapping by?
Have you maxed out your credit cards?
Are you drowning deep in debt with no way out?
There's an App For That!

Do you find that your connection speed is a drag?
Are you addicted to your machine like a drug?
Are you not getting enough instant gratification?
There's an App For That!

Bummed because you haven't been upgraded?
Is your balance too low to afford the Premium?
Do you feel too dumb for SMART machines?
There's an App For That!

Do you live in the valley of death in California?
Do you embrace being on the countdown?
Do you want to survive the next earthquake?
There's an App For That!

Are you about to die from thirst?
Do you live in Michigan and can't drink any water?
Has your local Wal-Mart run out of Coca-Cola?
There's an App For That!

Does Totalitarian Capitalism get you down?
Does soulless media make you feel lonely?
Do you feel that you're trapped like a fly on the Web?
There's an App For That!
-Der Kosmonaut
23 January 2016
Ottawa, Canada

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