Friday, February 05, 2016

How I Became A Radical In Opposition To Authority-Part Four


This is the conclusion of this series. Click for Part One, Part Two, Part Three

By Der Kosmonaut

  While I was battling my Boston University roommates, Poetry decided to enter my life. My travels transformed from sightseeing, which I had done traveling with my grandmother as a minor, to sociological fieldwork. The big difference that I noticed between Boston and New York was advertising. On my periodic returns to New York, I would compare and contrast the ads placed on the respective subway systems. At the time Kenmore Square was Boston's equivalent to New York's Times Square. Indeed, Kenmore Square was the only twenty-four hour public space in all of New England. Like Times Square, Kenmore Square was clustered with massive billboards. Unlike Times Square, the latter didn't have neon signs. Still, I noticed that advertising conveyed the same messages of deception to keep the masses within the spiritual orbit of capitalism and to create artificial desires to consume. I penned the early drafts of my very first poem Posters and Bulletins.


  At the same time I first started going out to dance clubs on a regular basis. My favorite music at the time was New Wave but that genre of music was undergoing a death and metamorphosing into Industrial, Techno and Alternative. I began to go to the Landsdowne Street clubs opposite Fenway Park where the Boston Red Sox baseball club played. I began going to Axis Club. DJ Debo was one of the first DJ's in the United States to play European techno music. DJ Debo mixed a bit of New Wave with Industrial, EBM and Techno music. DJ Debo had another gig the following night at neighboring dance club Venus de Milo. There were only four other students in the dorm building whom I actually liked. Two of them weren't white. The most interesting resident was a Chicano from Texas. He lent me industrial music tapes including 99%  from Meat Beat Manifesto and Beers, Steers and Queers by Revolting Cocks. He took me along to additional clubs such as the Hard Core Punk and Industrial Club Avenue C on Boylston Street. He then took me to the legendary Man Ray Club by Central Square in Cambridge. To this day, Man Ray remains known as the best Goth/Industrial club that existed in the United States. What brought me into Industrial music was it's anti-authority sentiment. I discovered that I wasn't the only one to hate George HW Bush and that most of the entire genre of Industrial music was devoted to songs offering scathing critiques not only of the president but American culture and society as a whole. Industrial music encouraged me to become more aggressively critical of authority and to cement my hatred for the United States. The best anti-American album of all time remains Friendly FaScism from Consolidated. My poetry has been greatly influenced by groups Consolidated, Ministry, Revolting Cocks and Nitzer Ebb. Though I hated university and most of the other students, Boston's nightlife was the only thing which I actually enjoyed. By the middle of the semester, I was going out four nights of the week from Wednesday through Saturday. The other friend that I made in the dorm building was a Burmese student from San Francisco. Observing my antics and my battles he gave me the nickname SD, which was the abbreviation for Shit Disturber. The other student I liked was the other Resident Assistant on my floor. She was a Chinese woman also from San Francisco. It's interesting how the Asian students were on to me and they sympathized with my resentments against the rich white students. Still, the RA admonished me: "I understand why you don't like them. Yes they are spoiled and stupid but you must LEAVE THOSE WHITE BOYS ALONE!"
  My resentment against white people has nothing to do with the skin color. I don't even care about "white supremacy". People are free to think that they're superior and I'm inferior. They may think that way until I go up to their face and contradict them. My issue is the sense of authority whites think that they have over non-whites. No one is going to exercise any authority over me based on that. That's the crux of my struggle against racism. Since 1492 whites have taken it upon themselves to be the world authorities. Based on that sense of authority they have enslaved and killed up to Seventy-Five billion people since 1492. "White supremacy" is the foundation of most of today's global authorities. The richest and most powerful countries are majority white. Let's not even mention that they obtained their wealth through the theft and pillage of the non-white parts of the world. Then they have the nerve to come up with "laws" against murder and theft which are supposed to be obeyed by the very crooks and murderers themselves!
  As I had stated previously, my politics weren't radical. I was the garden variety Upper West Side Liberal Democrat. This too would go through a serious upheaval. Earlier that year George HW Bush launched the first Gulf War against Iraq. I was stunned by the mass conformity and the support for the war not only on campus and in Boston but across the country. I lost all respect for the talk show host Aresenio Hall due to his pro-war propaganda. He had a recurring joke which was done in poor taste: "Just remember, Saddam is mad ass backwards." Though there were anti-war protests in Boston, they were dwarfed by the larger pro-war "Support our troops" rallies. There was only one other student I knew at the time that was opposed to the war. What surprised me was how in addition to Arsenio Hall many other Blacks in the country supported the war. Usually, Black Americans are the segment of the population least supportive of war. American Blacks rarely concerned themselves with the preoccupations of their white counterparts. It was understood that win, lose or draw, wars led by the white man didn't change our economic, political or social situation. This remains so today. I challenge anyone to go to official Independence Day celebrations in any major American city. Even in majority Black cities such as Atlanta, Detroit and Philadelphia, the attendees of the official ceremonies are overwhelmingly white. If Blacks attend it's more to watch the fireworks than to celebrate being an American. As Malcolm X famously said, for the majority of Blacks: " 'I see America through the eyes of the victim. I don't see any American dream--I see an American nightmare. We don't see any American dream. We've experienced only the American nightmare" (I'll let the reader on two dirty secrets. Many Black Americans silently cheered when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor in 1941 and quite a few secretly wanted Japan to win the war. During the Vietnam War, most Blacks in the US Army feared the other white soldiers more than feared the Viet Cong. Indeed, more of Black soldiers killed their white officers and fellow soldiers than they did the Viet Cong.) One evening riding the T from East Campus to West Campus I saw a Black man wearing a badge: "Free Kuwait!" I just looked at him with dismay. He was the first brainwashed Black person whom I had ever seen with my very own eyes.
  One day I had attended by US History lecture and saw the following sign written on the chalk board:
"EMERGENCY MEETING TONIGHT. ABORTION RIGHTS IN BOSTON UNDER ATTACK."
Abortion was the first issue which I really had a serious opinion about. By the age of 16, I became pro-Abortion. It wasn't anyone's business or right to tell women what they could or couldn't do with their bodies. I attended the meeting. We were informed that the fascist anti-abortion terrorist organization Operation Rescue were planning to come to Boston to shut down all the clinics. The presentation and accompanying slide show explained what had happened the previous summer in Wichita, Kansas. Thousands of fascists had descended on that town. Not only had they blockaded some of the clinics, but they sacked them. The police not only prevented this from happening but it was clear from the photographs that they encouraged and in some cases participated. I looked at the people in the photos. They represented everything that I hated about the United States. They were pasty, ugly, fat, ignorant white hicks. They held bibles in one hand and the American flag in the other. I was stirred into a state of agitation hitherto unknown before. My blood pressure increased. I was determined to stop these motherfuckers. My hatred for them was greater than the hatred for my fellow students. In  fact, my hatred passed the threshold into homicidal rage. They had some nerve coming to Boston! Though Boston is much more conservative than New York, it was still the second most liberal city on the East Coast and at the time was certainly the fourth most liberal metropolis after San Francisco and Seattle. That was exactly why Boston was targeted. The Midwestern fascists had decided to launch a frontal attack on a classic bastion of liberalism. Well this wasn't going to happen as long as I was in Boston!
  Just as I don't like being told what to do, I don't tell others what they should or shouldn't do. I don't believe in morality. I am amoral. I've never been guided by a sense of morality. I certainly do have a strong sense or right and wrong. This is guided by strong convictions of justice and equality. My hatred of capitalism and imperialism has never been guided by any moral considerations. This is what has always underpinned my disbelief of "God" and opposition to monotheistic religion. Religious morality is nothing less than the absolute control over the thoughts and actions of the masses. "Believe in God, believe that Jesus died for your sins and resurrected, or else you will go to Hell." Fuck that! Morality has always been based on fear and coercion. This fundamentalist Christian fascists opposed to abortion justified their beliefs with morality. Yet they were blatant hypocrites. Most of them claim to be "pro-life", yet almost all support capital punishment. They engage in acts of mass murder and terrorism in the name of "upholding morals". In the nearly 44 years that I have lived on this planet, I can honestly say that I've only met one Christian who was the most sincere in his beliefs and truly lived a life of compassion.
  I always knew that these were the same people that were, in the words of Wilhelm Reich, sexually negating. They wanted to bring society back to the Middle Ages where sex was only for procreation. The only role for women was child bearing and domestic slave. Moreover, all these "pro-lifers" were racist. They justified racial segregation and the exact same "moral" principles against abortion. Sex was immoral outside of marriage. Contraception was immoral. The best political slogan that I ever saw was from the reproductive rights demonstrations: "I FUCK TO CUM NOT TO CONCEIVE". That remains to this day one of my basic philosophical tenets. Everything was immoral except war, torture, racial and sexual oppression. I believe that all these people should be rounded up and placed on remote islands where they can live their dysotopia but quarantined from the rest of civilization. In this respect, I have evolved in my thinking. Back then, my sentiments were Stalinist. I would've had them lined up and mowed down by machine gun fire or I would have them sent to concentration camps. Fortunately, I realized that this made me no better than them and made me as much as a hypocrite as they.
  In a state of agitation, I woke up early the following Sunday morning and raced 2KM from my dorm in Kenmore Square to Brookline. I was taken aback that there was no one else around. I waited for about one hour before I remembered that the action was the following Sunday. I was ready for war. Even if had been the correct day, I was ready to defend the clinics on my own if possible. I would've collected some empty glass bottles, bricks, sticks and stones. I was keen and willing to smash in the skulls of these people. I had no fear of arrest nor did I care about the legal consequences. These motherfuckers got away with violence on a regular basis. They've never dealt with any serious consequences for the actions. Well, a few crushed skulls, a stint in the hospital Intensive Care Unit and perhaps a funeral or two would make them think twice before bombing clinics and shooting medical doctors. I'm still not afraid of going to prison just to get my hands on just one of these people. I hate these people more than I hate the politicians and the capitalistically degenerated types such as Bill Gates. I doubt that many politicians sincerely believe what they say and do. They're just out for the bank account. Gates and others of his ilk are comparatively educated. They lack any convictions whatsoever, except the pursuit of profit and not paying taxes. It is these ordinary people, who don't even have a High School diploma, they are illiterate and if the can read, it's only the bible. It's these people that elect the types of George Bush and other assorted reactionary politicians. It is these people that give popular support of wars of aggression against poor and largely defenseless countries. They are sworn enemies of humanity. They are vermin and pests which need to be exterminated with the utmost ruthlessness. But I digress.....
  The actual day of the confrontation was cold windy and rainy. The entire Boston region was on alert and mobilized to stop Operation Rescue. Both the governor of Massachusetts and the mayor of Brookline made public announcements saying that abortion was legal and that anyone attempting to blockade or disrupt the clinics would face arrest and prosecution. When I arrived there were about Seven-Hundred people gathered. Scores of officers from the Brookline police were also on hand to protect the clinics and most likely to maintain order. Faced with this display the fascists kept a low profile. A couple were spotted lingering here and there. They were easy to spot. They were middle aged and older whites who didn't look like the average locals one would usually see on the streets of Boston. Three hours passed without incident. Then we received intelligence that Operation Rescue made a last minute impromptu change in plans. Clearly outnumbered in Boston, they attempted to blockade the clinics in Providence, Rhode Island which is 65KM south of Boston. An appeal was made for those of us in Boston to head down to Providence. I volunteered and found myself in a station-wagon with six or seven others. In total about one-hundred of us from Boston raced down Interstate 93 to Providence. Sure enough they fascists were present. I could barely wait to get out from the car. We charged at one group. Seeing us charging at them, they bolted. I caught up to one of them. He was a middle aged man of around Fifty. I jumped into the air and kicked him in the back. He fell to the ground. I snatched the placard from behind him and ripped it up. I screamed obscenities as I punched and kicked him. I gurgled up a thick wad of saliva and spat in his face. I was going to continue to give him grievous bodily harm when another man held me back. "Let him go! You're going to get arrested if you don't stop." This developed into a minor argument. Meanwhile, the melee around me raged on. We chased chased the fascists through the streets of Providence. They ran for their cars and vans. We banged on the windows. Across the street came the sound of glass smashing and the screech of tires. The fascists beat a hasty retreat. My very first political protest had ended with a smashing victory against fascism. We had not only prevented Operation Rescue from having a Fascist carnival in Boston but we bounced them out physically from New England. That was only one of two protests which I had participated in which led to an instant political victory. The second and last time was in the year 2002, where we successfully prevented the fascist Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu from speaking at Concordia University in Montreal.
  Out of this I became a political activist. I realized just how serious the enemies of reproductive rights were. My entry into radical politics was based around sexual freedom. I had joined the Abortion and Reproductive Rights Coalition on campus. I then joined the International Socialist Club which introduced me to Marxism and Trotskyism. Both groups then turned their attention to the situation on the campus of Boston University.
  The president of the university was a classical Fascist by the name of John Silber. He was a reactionary through and through. It was under his presidency that Boston University was transformed from "The East Coast Berkeley" to the "Fascist Academic citadel of the East Coast." The reason for all the School of Management students laid at the feet of John Silber. Boston University was a renowned Liberal Arts college until the 1980s when Silber directed most of the resources to make it into the leading non-Ivy League Business management faculties. Silber also aligned Boston University to Zionism bringing the top Zionist "intellectual" Elli Wiesel to set up up shop there. Finally Silber turned BU into a key outpost of the US Military Intelligence Complex. All of this was bad enough but Silber wanted to control the intimate lives of the students as well. BU prohibited the sale of condoms and contraceptives on campus. The housing rules were even more onerous. Students were forbidden to have overnight guests of the opposite sex unless they were immediate family members. BU was the only college in all of Boston to have such rules. Not even the staunch Roman Catholic Boston College had such policies in place. If a a resident had a guest from the opposite sex, the guest was given a curfew of 1AM. Moreover, Boston University was the only institution of higher learning in all of New England which didn't include sexual orientation within its anti-discrimination clause.
  I was offended that I was over the age of Eighteen, paying more than $20,000 a year and subjected to such strict rules as if I were still a small child living at home. I was one of the founding members of Students for Sexual Freedom or SSF. We organized rallies where we would distribute condoms around campus and in the dorms. We held demonstrations in the front of the president's office. We briefly occupied the Student Health Services building demanding that birth control pills be made available for all students. Those of us that were Marxists wanted to agitate for free birth control and contraception free on demand. That was a bit too much for the capitalistically degenerated members. When a vote was taken on the list of demands, free birth control and contraception on demand was voted down. Instead, the availability at a reasonable cost was instead adopted. We failed to make any changes to the overnight guest policy or on sexual freedom. The important thing is that I made friends with like-minded people and had finally found a community. My social alienation and isolation was finally broken.
  In the years ahead, I would come to confrontations with the International Socialist Organization in New York. I realized their inconsistencies and hypocrisy as well. Though the ISO claimed to oppose Stalinism, it was in effect Stalinist. I clashed with the leaders of the branch committee over politics. I was told that I lacked discipline. Above all, the ISO was for rich whites. The dues were steep. After meetings, they would congregate at restaurants and bars where the cheapest item was a $5 cup of coffee. Branch meetings became contentious as I would argue and contradict the leaders. To bring me to heel, they resorted to dirty tricks of racism. I was first suspended and then eventually expelled from the ISO. Once again, I stepped on the toes of those who thought that they had any authority. Nor was it the last time.
  By 1994 when I returned to New York from Boston, I got involved in the anarchist squatter's scene on Manhattan's Lower East Side. During the Spring of 1995 there was a squat on East 13th Street between Avenues A and B that was evicted to be turned into expensive rental units.  On the evening of July 4th, I was part of the operation to reclaim the building. We used the cover of the Independence Day fireworks display to retake the building. While the stupid cops were distracted watching the fireworks over the East River, I was part of group that sabotaged the police cars. I slashed the tires of each police patrol car that we could find that was parked. By the time the police realized that the building had been retaken, it took them some time to gain their bearings. To their dismay, they realized that their car tires had been displayed. My group went on a follow up reconnaissance patrol. We laughed watching the police frantically change tires. Two officers spotted us and asked for our assistance.
"Hey! Please help us change these tires! We have an emergency and need to get there now!"
"No. Fuck the pigs! We don't help the cops!", said the woman in my group to the police.
The confrontation escalated into a full on battle. The squatters were armed with fireworks. From the rooftop they lit explosives and hurled them down to the cops on the street. A police helicopter was called in. The squatters then used the fireworks as anti-aircraft artillery. The helicopter was compelled to lift to a higher altitude to escape. The battle raged until dawn. The squatters ran out of ammunition and the police were finally able to regain control. It was this battle that Mayor Rudy Giuliani decided to outlaw fireworks in New York City. That was one of the last serious acts against authority in New York.
  Rudy Giuliani was elected in 1993 on an openly racist platform to turn New York into a fascist police state. I knew that he was serious and that the city was going to change. Prior to 1994, I didn't fear the police. This changed once Giuliani became mayor. Everything which was legal or permitted was made illegal and forbidden. During the first year in office, complaints of police brutality escalated by forty percent. The police were brutalizing and murdering Blacks and Puerto Ricans overtly. Blacks and Puerto Ricans were living in a state of fear and terror.
  Seeing that the city was being transformed into a Middle American conformist police state, I decided to fight. However, I found myself being followed and under constant surveillance. I was followed around my plain clothes men all around the city. They were always the same four or five men. At one point, they even set up a camera right in front of the entrance to my apartment building. I then observed people on the street being arrested for no reason at all. During a protest in Tompkins Square Park, we were astonished how the police arrested anyone who spoke out. In another incident, I witnessed a Black man get jumped and beaten by seven cops because he missed throwing his potato chips bag into the trash bin. This combined with the increased racist sentiments of ordinary whites in the city made life unbearable. New York was being transformed into a restricted Catholic school where any disobedience was met with corporal punishment and death at the hands of the police.
  In 1997 with three weeks until the mayoralty election I participated in an anti-police and anti-Giuliani protest. I led the "Dump Giuliani" chant. The next day I went to work. I was immediately told by my co-workers that I was in the New York Daily Newspaper. The newspaper had two pages devoted to the protest. On the top of the pages read the headline: "THEY ACCUSE THE POLICE". Right in the middle of the two pages was the largest full color photograph of me holding up a sign which read: STOP NYPDs Death Squads. I had an angry militant face screaming to dump Giuliani. Yikes! Suddenly the heat was on. Every cop that I passed on the streets of New York recognized me. They glared at me with pure hatred and with murderous desires in their eyes. For the first time, I felt that my life was in mortal danger. Giuliani was re-elected. New York was no longer the capital of anti-authority. Since New York fell, there was no other place in the country for me to live. I decided to leave the United States once and for all.
  I carried on my anti-authority sentiment and it became the primary focus of my writings and poetry. With the Giuliani years, my poetry became sharper and more anti-capitalist. The rise of George W. Bush pushed me beyond the point of no return as did the fraudulent war on terror. The reactionary and fascist sentiments I discovered in Austria, along with an education on the true nature of Austro-Fascism and National Socialism pushed me to the far left.
  I then found myself disappointed with many Marxist groups. Though I agreed with their political theory, I found that many of them were rather conventional and socially conservative. I gravitated towards the Anarchists because of their more open minded social tolerance. I will never be an Anarchist because I'm not against the State in of itself. For me, it's all about what type of State exists and moreover, it's form of government. I think society is too complex. There needs to be some form of government to at least ensure the functioning of everyday society. I believe that workers and the masses should take over the State and run society on their own basis. This is why I was often in Anarchist circles. Even the Anarchists got on my nerves. Anarchists are more controlling than Stalinists and Fascists. Squats have more rules and restrictions than most States. Anarchists are quite keen to impose group conformity as much as anyone else. Eventually I discovered that most white Anarchists themselves are just as racist, and sometimes more racist, than Fascists. In this regard, it makes them the worst hypocrites of all. I've been ejected and banned from Anarchist spaces as well.
  My non-conformity comes also with sexuality. I don't believe in monogamy.  I never have and I never will. Though I've been in many serious long-term relationships, I've never been monogamous. This hasn't endeared me to many feminists. I was ejected from a Queer Feminist congress that was organized by a woman that I had been in a brief one month relationship with. I showed up to the congress with another woman holding her hand. The former couldn't contain her emotions and had me ejected. I've been ejected from churches, school, Marxist groups, Anarchists spaces, as well as Queer Feminist spots. All because I refused to conform to their particular beliefs, ideology, rules and just plain hurt and tender feelings. I'm sure in the future, there will be other scenes in which I will be asked to leave.

  I have paid a price for my recalcitrance and my refusal to conform to both mainstream society and so-called radical circles. I refuse to marry or have kids simply because that is what one is told to do and it's expected. I don't believe in morality and have offended many people's sense of morals. I don't believe in monogamy and that has broken the hearts of many women. I say and do what I want regardless of what others think about it. I am estranged from my family whom I have ignored and even insulted. I have cursed out many bosses. Just because someone gives me a paycheque, they don't have the right to abuse me. Just because someone has a higher pay grade is a supervisor or boss over me, doesn't given them the right to say and do what they want to me.  I have reduced a handful of my bosses into tears after I got done telling them what I thought of them. I've quit jobs at the drop of a hat. I've been fired from countless jobs. I'm not going to have my dignity diminished because of money. I don't take any job seriously. A job is simply something I do to earn money. I've never had any particular attachment to any job. Jobs come and go. At the age of Twenty I abandoned any notion of having a career. It's always been beyond my comprehension how and why people take their jobs and careers so personally. As much as I could tell, it's only because of the salary figure and to impress their friends and neighbors. 
  Just as with school, I find most jobs boring. While there was some chance that my teachers would impart some knowledge to me, there was never a boss or supervisor that could teach me a goddamn thing. All I need is to have the job explained to me once and that's it. I want to be left alone to do my job. Yet, work places are in many ways School 2.0. For example; "Coaching" is a euphemism for being reprimanded for doing something wrong. Discipline is enforced by being "written up". I suck my teeth at such stupidity. I didn't care when teachers gave me failing grades in school. I'm certainly could care less about being "written up". During the many "Coaching" sessions I have laughed at the supervisors and expressed my contempt for them. I've told them to their face how stupid I consider them to be. After a few months at a job, I become bored. Once I get bored, I become a shit disturber just to make the workplace more interesting. Sometimes I would deliberately do the wrong tasks to get sent home early. Just like when I wanted to get suspended from school, I often want to get sent home early from work. I could care less that I'm losing pay. I never really cared about money since I've managed to travel half the world with little to no money at all. Besides, the world is awash with money. Cash can always be found and made one way or another. As for the rent and bills, they can go to the back burner. Usually one has to be three months in arrears before evictions can take place. It's the same with the bills. It usually takes three months before service is disconnected. When I can't pay the rent and the landlord wants me out, I just move on and find another place. If the phone line is disconnected, then I simply use the pay phone. I could care less about having a mobile phone in the first place. As far as the internet is concerned, there's always the public library and lots of places with free wireless. I've been homeless and while it's not comfortable, I've managed. I've gone weeks without eating. While it's not good for the body, I am able to survive. I've learnt to dumpster dive if I really need food. Soup kitchens and food banks are also available. Hence the main weapon which society uses to ensure compliance, namely economic, doesn't phase me in the least. I have bad credit and get apply for loans nor can I get a mortgage. I don't care. I don't want to buy a house anyway. I can't buy a new car. It doesn't mater, I don't have a driving license anyway. I always live in a proper metropolis that has decent public transportation. Or in the case of Los Angeles, I simply walk. I always manage to find a way past any obstacle. The prospect of being homeless and going hungry doesn't phase me. I don't want any of the goodies offered by consumer capitalist society. Since I don't have any children nor will I have any, I don't have to submit. This is the other reason why I don't have children. Children are the ball and chain to our society. This is why people conform and submit. They need to feed and clothe children. Therefore, people are compelled to work and to take abuse and degradation. 
  It is adversity and hardship that my creativity is most successful. The deeper my existential crisis, the more inspired that I am to write and to be creative. It is a point of fact, that each time I have lived in comfortable and stable situations of opulence and wealth, these were moments of creative sterility. It's through my very rejection of what society proffers as valuable and proper, that is the fuel of my creativity.
  It comes down to the fact that I could really care less whether I live or die. I've never entertained the notion nor the desire or "living a long life." Perhaps if I were older and had been raised before Ronald Reagan, I would've been different. I recall Reagan's election in 1980. Already at the age of Eight, I knew that Reagan spelled bad news. When he was elected, I already knew that I didn't have a future. The election of George HW Bush in 1988 simply ratified my sense that neither American society nor capitalism has any future. I was a fool to even think so. Today with the planet on the brink of complete annihilation, I think only in terms of basic survival. Even if I did decide to conform and play the game, I will still lose. There won't be a pension waiting for my generation after retirement. It's very likely that the retirement age will be raised to over Seventy-Five. I'm not going to work some stupid job until I'm elderly and not even have any compensation for it. 
  Finally I also expect that as society becomes a rigid concentration camp, my confrontation with the authorities will become more serious. Let it be known now. The authorities might as well get it over with and put a bullet to my head. I'm not going to break and submit to totalitarian capitalism. No amount of torture or solitary confinement will break me. I can go weeks and possibly months without food. I would rather die of starvation than submit to totalitarian capitalism. 
  Conclusion
  This is what motivates me as an artist. If is my rejection of this world. I simply report and reflect upon the contradictions and social dynamics of this contemporary order of totalitarian capitalism. I've made many enemies along this journey and will certainly make more. The good news is that for every enemy that I make, I have friends and allies. I can say that I have the best friends and allies in the world. They accept and love me unconditionally. Even those that don't agree or approve of my methods or how I view the world, appreciate that my consistency and sincerity. It certainly helps that I have above-average intelligence, the gift of the gab, a natural talent for writing, a sharp wit coupled with a brilliant sense of humor. Above all, it's that I actually care. Though I don't care about all the trappings of Western totalitarian capitalist society, I actually care more about the world than most people. I've done more than most activists to actually make the world a better place. My hatred of this world is based out of deep love for humanity. It's my greatest paradox. Most people can't get beyond their own immediate personal concerns. I have sacrificed my material needs in pursuit of my personal freedom. I have more freedom than the likes of Donald Trump, Bill Gates and most heads of governments and states. They are enslaved to their wealth, their power and most of all their public reputations. Many people are chained to their homes and mortgages. Others are trapped by their families, parents and children. The vast majority are encaged by their own fears of being poor, homeless, starving. Most fear death.
  I am free. I for the most part do what I want and say what I think. Of course since I'm not the King of the World I can't do everything that I wish. Even here, I am make the choice to conform. I need a passport to travel. I choose to get a passport. There are other things that I don't do because they entail the risk of imprisonment. I choose not to run the risk of prison. I have to conform just to maintain my freedom. This are done on my terms.
  I consciously do things that society tells me that I ought not to do. For example,I've mostly only dated white women because society says that I must only "stick to my own kind". Conversely everything society tells me that I ought to do, I refuse. I ought to settle down, get a job, get married and start a family. That's not going to happen at all!
  I will continue to write, as well as compose poetry and music. It will always be done from this perspective. People will be offended but they need to grow up. I'm practically offended each day that I step out into the world. Totalitarian capitalism offends me. But I still get on with it. I will press on offering my analysis, critiques, mockeries and solutions to the present impasse the world finds itself in. I've been doing this for the past forty years. It's too late for me to change my personality. I will step into the grave as a radical opponent of authority.

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